Old can = Fun

what's the world coming to Genetic splicing!

2009-01-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

Dear People,
Most of the work done with our foods passes by unseen and untasted. Only when they goof up big time do we hear about it. Like the corn that kills. But the tomatoes that are beautiful and red and so tough skinned they can be harvested with a cotton picker! They have lost all their flavor,and probably food value. Now they have new bananas that are so Big! and stay firm for much longer but have lost their flavor and ability to produce seeds! So in the not too distant future we shall not have any! I'm only a lowly consumer not educated in Botany or genetics. When I first heard of what they could do make grains drought and disease resistant I was so elated. Then I came to understand it was all about the big bucks. I really don't have any answers, but teach our kids and grandkids to give not take, but to be happy with less. We started giving animals to disadvantaged people of the world. Do you have any suggestions?
Love Jack

-30-

2008-07-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

In the year 1978 I was given anecdotal information that some people had used quinine in the treatment of leg cramps, which I had suffered from approximately all my walking life. I proceeded to try some vile pills, that if swallowed gave me a pain free nights sleep. Then I found capsules and the world was good!

When the U. S. Government made them a prescription med. I convinced my regular physician to prescribe and on my occasional visit to my Canadian Grandsons where I could still buy over the counter. The cost of travel did increase and the Canadian government also made them prescription, so this plan was abandoned and I was forced back into the system. All went fairly well until I was notified my pharmacy would only give me a seven (7) day supply at the same cost as my previous 30 day supply. That meant that my co-pay instead of being $20 a month is $20 a week, plus 3 more trips to the pharmacy! and the cost of fuel really adds up. I know that at my age (78) I won't need them much longer, but I'd really like to live out my life pain free and out of debtors prison.

............30.............

2008-07-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Swan song

2008-04-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Well my adventure into blogdom has come to a close, just like my cycling column back in the 70's. I have exhausted all my material or hit a terminal block. Either way this is my swan song. Is it true that swans sing before they die? I had great aspirations as to my blog "improving the universe" bring order out of chaos, and stuff like that.

Take care

Live Happy

Jack

What makes you happy?

2008-04-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Please give up a few minutes of your time and send it to me, What, in this world makes you smile, laugh, chortle, guffaw, giggle or grin,

What gives you a warm feeling, brings a tear of happiness to your eye or makes you just feel good!

Three Indian Squaws were getting married on the same day.
Each of their prospective husbands have to get a new animal
hide for the marriage bed. The squaw chooses which animal
she wants.
The first squaw wanted a buffalo hide, the bridegroom went off, killed
a buffalo and brought back the hide. The second squaw wanted a bear
hid, off goes the bridegroom , kills the bear, brings back the hide.
however, the third Squaw has done a bit of reading and wants a
Hippopotamus hide. Poor bridegroom, however, off he goes to Africa
and finds a hippopotamus, kills it and takes the hide back. All
three couples get married.
Nature has taken its course and after 9 months the three squaws give
birth to their first children. However, the squaw with the
hippopotamus hide has twins - which only goes to prove the theory that
The Squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on
the other two hides.

My day, no week! in court

2008-04-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern

Life and Law have become much too complicated. I’m sure it is because laws are written by lawyers and legislated by lawyers, and I’m not sure if it is to guarantee that only lawyers will be able to interpret and understand or that it’s just another coat of paint applied without cleaning the surface. until the buildup becomes ridiculous. Having just completed a week of jury duty I came away with a head full of ambiguities and confusion between “battery” <> and “Assault” also When actual damage or wounding is done there is a need for a graduated table of degrees. Depth of trauma, area of bruising, and a table of treatment or assessing damage. Ie. "the nurse looked at it." the "Medic put a bandaid on it" the "Doctor treated it"

First swim of 2008

2008-04-12T22:20:00.001-07:00

We are enjoying a down slope compression wind temperature in the 80's and the pool is up to 76 degrees. It really invigorates.

If I seem to be over enthusiastic about water, it is due to my youth in the Mojave desert. Anything that had over 50% H2O we swam in. I guess the worst was the wet tailing's of the borax mine. This was a grey-green mud that came from the mill. the surface was deceptively dry looking but if you stepped on it you sank!, then you could sort of crawl swim in it. It was cooler than the air. After "swimming" we would play in the dry tailing's (same grey-green colored pebbles) then we would admire our "lizard skin". We then had to don our Levis over the Faux skin and pull every hair on our body. The company showers were blessedly near so we could clean up. We also swam at the Western mines which was flooded and the water was pumped into a 15x15x very deep pool, we would remove any dead animals and jump in the super saturated solution. Cool and deep. When you climbed out your skin turned white with borax crystals. The mines were dug in many levels. then they would scrape with a drag line huge "stoaps" several stories deep. when they had been emptied a hole was drilled down from the surface and the earth packed to hold up the mine. They still had many cave ins. Anyway on the surface they had large metal tanks full of water, and if you didn't mind the algae great to swim in. Our constant search for water, prompted opening a fire hydrant and aiming it down and scooping out the mud. We could make a pleasant wading pool. My best friend Freddy's Dad was the mine Superintendent so he finally dug a pool next to his house, two doors away from my house so I finally had access to water! When I bought my currant home one prerequisite was a big enough yard for a pool! that was about 40 years ago, and I'm still swimming in it.

3rd day of Jury duty

2008-04-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

Can't write about it yet!

---30---

Jury finally set

2008-04-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

Court today

---30---

Old really can!

2008-04-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida
mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They
had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big
activity center. These two were at the same table, across
from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few
admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his
courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of
'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will."
The meal ended with a few more pleasant exchanges and
they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did
she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he
just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With
trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as
well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening
past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired
of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say
'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes,
yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she
continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I
couldn't remember who had asked me."

------

Jury duty went well haven't fallen asleep or been kicked off!

---30---

Jesus Saves...But I don't

2008-04-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

I'm really pissed off! Like the pubic hair on the toilet seat. I had an excellent blog written and illustrated. I left it sitting, thinking I would come back from the dog park, proofread and send it on. There is a box on the bottom in blue that says SAVE NOW then a light face that says Draft autosaved at 10:39 PM but I was too chicken to press it because it gave me a message "Do you really want to do this"? now I'm immediately shivering in self doubt. I have had a mess of beautiful prose lost forever into the depth of this dumb machine. Any way I lost it, I tried to blame somebody, anybody for the loss but I end up on the short list. No sense crying over spilt milk. That phrase conjures up a barn floor with straw and manure all over and a pail of freshly squeezed milk running away. (does that still translate, freshly squeezed OJ and milk?)I still don't know how to copy and paste and I really hate to rewrite anything. It never comes out as succinct or witty the 2nd time around. When I first began forgetting things, I bitched to my Dr. and he had me tested, no Alzheimer's. So I'll just live with it.

Last month my name came to the Jury commissioner, Call this number on this day, well this was several weeks in advance so I marked the calendar, and clipped the notice to the board. On the designated day I called, a recording said call back next Monday, Well I didn't write that down and Monday came and Tuesday came and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! On Saturday a light bulb went off while I sat whittling in the dog park. OH! SHIT! I blew it again! So when I got home I called the machine and the recording told me My number was to report to the courthouse the following Monday!!!! They hadn't missed me at all! Now I must go and sit all day while they try to impanel a jury. At my age I can be excused, but sometimes it can be entertaining. So I'll go and sit for one day and see.

----30----

Jenny the wonder waterdog

2008-04-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

Jenny our Springer was constantly in motion

She was always the first into the pool every spring, and always had a ball in her mouth. Once when she had exhausted everyone and we had taken all her tennis balls away, She had also used all the leaves available. She brought our Son in law Marc a dead stiff lizard. The other dog pictured is Graycha, a pretty brindle pit bull that belongs to Maki our Japanese Daughter.

Bo loves the ladies

2008-04-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

Jeanette above and Mimi below
Kim above and Michiko below

Sorry about the lack of words, but a picture is worth a 1,000 words *Grin*

More Bo, Beau or Bow

2008-04-04T03:59:00.000-07:00

Our first view of Bo was at the animal shelter, He was a beautiful warm tan color that matched our new carpet. Bo wasn't an over exuberant demonstrative dog, he acknowleged me by a short wave of his tail and a saunter to the front of his cage. He was his own dog. The story the people at the shelter told us was that he had belonged to a transient that was incarcerated for a number of years, and Bo needed a home, so we obliged. Bo was housebroken about a year old and a cross between a Greyhound and an Airdale. He extraordinarily indebendent and it took several years to respond to the command "come" or to accept me as the pack leader. If hewas let loose, from his lead and given any freedom he was GONE! Most often to an orphanage, grade school or the beach. He had tags on so we would eventually get a phone call, from some mother saying they had Bo and for me to take my time as her children were enjoying bo. He helped several neighbor children learn to walk, just letting them grab a tail as he walked slowly away.. After we had Bo for several years we got Jenny a very affectionate Springer Spaniel This had a calming effect on Bo and it was a match made in Heaven! But back to Bo, Both dogs had a love of the beach, I don't know if it was the sand, seagulls, youg people playing or dead stuff to roll on the beach. Jenny always had her tennis ball and we brought a frisbee for Bo. Idf he missed a throw (it was useually the pitchers fault) and it landed on it's top, he would step on the edge and lift the opposite side up so he could grab it. If it landed right side up he would have to push it 'til it hit a rock to get a purchase. If the wind took a long throw into the surf, Bo would run frantically back and forth hopeing some one would lend him a hand. if all else failed he would wade into the sea. If it was deeper. he would stand on his hind feet and hop to the disk. Jenny on the other hand was a great water dog, swimming as far as needed to fetch her ball.

(To be continued)

____30____

Bo Beau or Bow

2008-04-04T01:04:00.001-07:00

Affection from Beau.

May I play with your kitty?

Bo and Elspeth under Bougainvillea.

Elspeth and Bo at Frisbee competition.

My Velocipede experience Or I hate missionaries

2008-04-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

At one time I was really anti missionary. Anyone that feels that their way is the only way, has always annoyed me. We are all prejudiced in some way, but most can refrain from pushing your opinion down your neighbors throat. I was that way until I met my first 10 speed. I can't remember what make it was, but it was white and front and rear derailers, light weight clincher tires, and drop handle bars! From here I went a little bonkers. I wanted lighter and faster. I rode with a bunch of novice bikers, that also were super enthusiasts. I rode every weekend, longer and more challengeing rides. Then I built my own mongrel bicycle.

It had a peugeot double butted steel frame, a Brit cotterless crank, Shimano derailers, track handlebars, The leather seat from my old Japanese bike (it fit my tush) pedals that could hold my tennies and were lightweight. I painted the bike school bus yellow and had a chameois shorts and shirt with pockets in yellow made to fit me. "God I was cool" By this time I was completely immersed in Bicycling. I made safety movies for law inforcment, took grade school kids on bike rides. organized an overnight bike ride for Jr. high kids to Ojai. a bike ride to Mexico, and a ride from San Francisco to Santa Barbara. I took blind kids for rides on tandems. Jumped off the pier into the Pacific, taught bicycle repair at the "Y" I was what I had always detested a missionary for two wheels!

---30---

Metamorphisis of Me

2008-04-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

A very long time ago I came into this world naked. Then I wore a loin cloth. after that I wore Levis, then pants, trousers and shorts with a belt. Ten one day in the 70's I found my shorts fell every time I served a tennis ball. (this was OK as long as I served an Ace, But unfortunately that didn't happen too often). So I stumbled on suspenders, and my game improved dramatically. Then one day while playing golf my follow through dragged my wrists across my metal suspender grips, and I bled so bad I had to give up golf. I also had a problem with sitting at the dining table. The grips in the back scratched the hell out of the chair, and every time after 9/11 going through airport security I set off alarms, then I would have to put the suspenders in the box with my keys and change. Then we went back to the old story where my pants fell off! Right in front of a plump lady in an official uniform of "Homeland security" She saw no humor in my situation. This made me snicker.

Now I have finally turned into a butterfly, with my delightful all in one coveralls. I have them in "Royal blue", "Forest green" and "Navy blue" I almost got a pair of "prisoner orange" then I thought of the lady from homeland security and decided against it. The zipper on these suits zip from the bottom or the top. Not quite far enough, so if you see a man in a bright blue suit hunched over in front of the urinal take pity, and don't laugh. There is one last thing if for some reason I have to remove them to facilitate some waste elimination, don't snicker if I have a wet sleeve. I is very hard to pull them off and watch where the sleeves go.

---30---

2008-03-31T22:58:00.000-07:00

This is my youngest Grandson and perhaps the wisest. His name is Solomon, so that bodes well biblically, He speaks constantly in his own tongue, which no one has learned to interpret yet. He lives with his brother Sidney in Vancouver British Columbia.

Sidney is our 4 year old Grandson named Sidney because if you play hockey you must have a name that converts well to one syllable. As you can see he is computer literate. He first learned to Google the word PIXAR and find his favorite films. Now I understand he can find his Grandfather's site in Flickr, so I'm certain his next step will find Grandpas Blog

"Old can = Fun" So I now must censor all my stuff. There is a law prohibiting voting until

you are 18, and drinking spirits until you are 21.But there are no laws prohibiting kids on the internet. I know there is software written that limits childrens access to naked ladies, I also know where children are concerned, they will find a way, password. or key. It is in their nature to look and the more cleverly you hide something the more determined they are to find it. Kids are like that. I remember one of my first metal banks made kid proof! I could insert a thin piece of metal in the opening and turn upside down and jiggle all the money out!

---30---

More dogs

2008-03-30T23:31:00.000-07:00

Rikki has a best friend, her name is Bebe. Bebe is a miniature poodle, Mexican hairless, terrier, Dalmatian, pencil legged, hairy, little mutt that is hopelessly in love with Rikki. And Rikki returns her affection by chewing on her. Rolling her over and sitting on her. She in return, likes to steal his supper, and his place in the sun. Sneak up behind him and chew on his leg, or is it the other way around. Bebe was found in a box of puppies by our friend Barbara. This was a match made in Heaven? Barbara needs a dog to spoil, and Bebe loves to be spoiled. Rikki has a bad case of separation anxiety. And Barbara often needs to have Bebe sat. A perfect relationship.

Bebe calms Rikki and Rikki chews on Bebe. We used to have a problem when Bebe stayed overnight. She was accustomed to sleeping in the bed with Barbara, While I am accustomed to sleeping without dogs, After several attempts to place Bebe in a bed downstairs, in Rikki's cage, or at the foot of the bed. She finally accepted her place on a pillow on a bench at the foot of the bed. So I'm happy! and I don't care if she is or isn't.

----30----

Friday Feast

2008-03-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

Last night we hosted some lovely people for dinner there was good wine, good food, and good conversation. I cleaned up the pool yard, while Elspeth did the house. I did the stove and picked up stuff. You know? we have altogether too much stuff. We tend to accumulate, and have a lot of trouble getting rid of it, somehow. We give to several charitable organizations but still grow. I think because we have lived in the same place for about 44 years people leave us stuff, For years I subscribed to the Readers Digest condensed books. association and monthly they sent me a group of novels in one tome. I always said some day when I have time I would sit down and read them, then there is our collection of National Geography's, Smithsonian magazine, old Mensans, Scots magazine and some old Playboys! aside from their prurient interest, they have good articles! (yea right) A friend recently sent me and E-mail with the collection of all the centerfolds of Playboy! Talk about interesting material. When Mr. Hefner first began publishing he offered a lifetime subscription for something like $50, unfortunately I didn't take advantage. Lets see 12 times 50 = a whole lot of magazines. I once advertised my playboys and the only people interested were some pubescent males.

----30----

From a childs eyes

2008-03-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

Last week we received Photos or our Canadian Grand kids. Sid coloring eggs and with his mountain of toys! and Sol with the ears and sleeping. Sidney does not have a pile of toys, but a MOUNTAIN! of stuffed toys, and his eggs are a rainbow of eggs, When they visit us in the summer, we anticipate an old time revisited. The coffee table will have to be organized and non edibles will have to gain some altitude. I seem to recall some 50+ years ago my older girls used the coffee table as a teething ring, and it sported tooth marks for years. Sol is now at that age. he staggers from one "nono" to the next. Sid should be swimming the next visit. He almost did it last summer. If he only could spend a summer here, I'm sure he would learn.

----30----

Warm Wednesday

2008-03-26T15:25:00.000-07:00

This is what I looked like when it was hot in the desert.

It's a beautiful day today. I spent the morning cleaning up the yard, vacuumed leaves, and then hosed the deck off. The temperature is up to 70F. almost swimable. a week ago it was in the 40's so a little sunshine goes a long way. I feel comfortable at 77 degrees, while Elspeth won't go near the water 'til it hits 83F. It's funny how we tolerate heat and cold, I grew up in the desert, where we played in 135 degree temps. We swam in anything liquid, like mud, super saturated and pools with 3 inches of algae. As long as you didn't touch the side and knock it loose, the water was clear and cold. The mud was the tailings from the mine, the surface looked dry, but there was 10 feet of goo under that, after the swim we would roll around in the tailings until we looked like lizards, pulling your Levis pulled every hair when you pulled them on. The Western mine had large surface pools of super saturated borax solution. when you dried you crystallized. Neat stuff. The time has come for Rikki and I to head to the park, catch you later!

----30----

Day trip to Avila

2008-03-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

This morning we had no appointments, no classes so we took a trip north to Avila in San Luis Obispo county. It was a marvelous day a little warm so we drove most of it with the air conditioner on. The beach was nicely habited with kids on their Spring break. Not having suits I can't attest to the water temp. We drove to the end of the road and walked out on the "Olde" pier, where lots of food from the sea was sold and sea lions sun themselves on the platforms just above the surface. there were 4 or 5 cramped into one small patch of sunshine so we heard lots of grumbling when one of them wanted to move. Rikki was interested but in a very cautious way. Some of them seemed quite frendly and put flippers over their buddies.

The wild flowers were blooming, lots of lupins and poppies.

----30----

"Have you ever heard this one"?

2008-03-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

It seems lately when I'm in a conversation I always have an interesting anecdote, that is perfect for the time and place. Then when I'm holding court and lose my train people just go on and don't wait on baited breath. I find my wife also telling long involved personal stories. I can see this in her, but fail to see it in me. So in the future, if you yawn, look at your watch, and I fail to take heed. you can hum a few bars of "It seems to me I've heard this song before" Getting old usually entails many interesting experiences. I always feel you need to know, I should learn, but probably never will. so the next time we meet, just remember "I've heard that song before, it's from an old familiar score."

"may your day be full of easily solved problems and food taste great without adding an ounce of weight!"

Sunday is a day of rest!

2008-03-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

Dogs I have known

2008-03-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

This picture is Rikki and Nala, a Great Pyrenees mountain dog. Rikki likes to tease big dogs then run to some seated lady, and leaps into their lap, "home free".

My current dog is a rescued poodle from Santa Barbara's animal shelter. The story on Rikki is that he was a stud on a Milpas street puppy mill. He wasn't treated well, never groomed and living his life in a cage. So he taught himself to unlock and open his cage door, then off into the night. After several escapes 9and subsequent fines) He took some of his girlfriends with him. His second trip with the girls, the owners of the puppy mill said they would pay the fine for the girls but the shelter could keep Rikki. At this time I had been dog less for over a year and really needed my dog "fix". So here we have a 3 year old mostly white poodle stud. A quick trip to the vets fixed the stud part, and as far as I can tell, he never missed them. His one flaw was a terrible separation anxiety. Living ones life on a puppy farm did keep you in company. He had been the Lothario of the breeding mill, then the platonic lover of the animal shelter. (on his resume it warned, he Frenches) Poodles as a breed are very intelligent, this means that Rikki never completely relinquishes his authority to me. We have several arguments daily, he comes when called, when he wants to. He will at times stare at you, like are you insane? I'm busy! I'll come later, then while at a crowded dog park come running when I whistle.

He is a champion hunter, having caught 4 gophers at the park and 2 here at home. All in all Rikki is a splendid dog, a lover, not a fighter.

Pet Peaves

2008-03-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

This is not the broad in the story. I ripped it off to make a pretty illustration.

Have you ever started into a checkout line only to be pushed aside by an over eager, in a big hurry lady, then she leaves her cart to get a forgotten item, rushes back and dumps her stuff in the counter and takes off again, by now the checker has totaled her Items and we all wait while she shops. Only to return with two items that she wants to pay one price for. "it said so" she wails, the checker shows her these were not the products in her ad. then she needs to pay! Her first card is expired, and she tries upside down, then offers a Department store card and can't understand why the market won't accept it. Finally she pays for her purchases and swears at the handicapped girl that offers to help her to her car. I followed and she had left her cart in a parking space, I beckoned to her a said you were @#$%^&& Rude, and grow up!, It probably did no good, but made me feel better. Always remember be kind to others so old farts don't swear at you. Be safe and think of others.

Spring is almost over

2008-03-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

Twas a beauteous day in spring and all the boids was on the wing

Oh my woid, how absoid,

I thought the wing was on the boid!

Our winter begins and ends with our rain. Everything turns green and if we get enough we have wild flowers.

The birds are nesting, singing their territorial sons. One pair began a nest on our front porch light! but that is too close, so we discouraged them and they began again in a hanging basket. The gophers are proliferating. creeks run, and ducks pair off, we have a momma mallard in the creek and two daddies following her. The oxalis blooms in the front lawn, and all the polliwogs in Diane's fish pond have turned into full voiced frogs. The skunks are leaving us alone, I guess they are holed up having babes. Along with the possums, raccoons, wood rats, and field mice.

Our phoebes didn't leave this last winter, so I don't know where they are nesting, with the rains they may not use our eaves, they do love the water and eat lots of bugs. The bald eagles they reintroduced to our reservoir have increased every year, so now I hear there are over 7,000 pairs in California. Life is good

Meanderings of a once nimble mind

2008-03-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

Today it is proven, my mind is a meager mass of mush. Meandering from moldy masculine minimal mosh pits to massive meals of metaphorical mish mash. There that's finished and no harm was done. Memory is a terrible thing to lose, I don't mean amnesia, but "what the hell am I doing on the stairs?" Am I on my way up? or going down. Your at the supermarket, no list, just winging it, you haven't had lunch yet, so you really should be careful.That isle with the perfect turquoise bay and alabaster white beaches, let us land there! That's the problem. You screw up a word and your on a completely different playing field. Words are such marvelous things, they can do heroic battles, woo innocent maidens. Have you ever bowled a maiden over? That's like pitching a no hitter in the game of cricket. Speaking of which, have you ever played grasshopper? Aha I thought not. Beetle is a game played in the UK with a deck of cards, I think it's called a drive. When you drive cattle, they are on foot. When they are carried by vehicle, they are trucked. Trucking was an innocent dance move in the 40's, and Arti Shaw played "String of Pearls" that was a great tune to dance to. A nice rhythm and a sweet beat. The beat of a drum is most hypnotic, a Chinese drum like Flower drum song, a Japanese drum, I remember an evening in Tsukuba in the hills above Yokohama I heard a distant drumbeat, it was a warm moist evening, and the drums beckoned me. I wandered about a half mile and came upon a large group of slightly drunken Nihonjin beating off! It was magnificent. They seemed to take turns in leading and the sounds were awesome! Awe like the first view of Yosemite or Niagara Falls. Something like taking my son into the lobby / atrium of a hotel in San Francisco that had some 13 stories all facing the lobby floor. and little glass elevators whisking up and down. and the appropriate word was Wow! A wow like you shout when you first step on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Gee whillikers wouldn't it be wonderful to have that outside your back doorstep, what a trash can! Can you imagine some archaeologist in the far distant future, digging our middens through stakes of plastic covered newspapers that can be just barely be made out. This looks like religious tract, get the book of ancient writings and translate, "special Today canned peaches 39 cents" Hmmm, canned means let go from your work, peaches was an other name for the female of the species, 39 numerical mathematics, no? cents did they mean sense, so as I see it your God will fire you if you fail to pay that lady for her smell! Odor is a wonderful thing , it can bring back hidden memories from our childhood, like the white paste used in the 3rd grade, almost edible. Then came the little bottles of amber syrup that was dispensed through a flat rubber nipple that wasn't edible. Have no fear, the world continues to spin, summer comes, followed by fall and winter. The polar icecaps melt and the sea rises. Should we start building our dikes now? The coastal commission forbids breakwaters because it will disturb the people down stream. Don't you just love it. We are not responsible, we can sit (and perhaps drool a little) and people will speak louder and slower, and cut up our food for us! and remind us when it's time to go to bed!

The perils of walking your dog

2008-03-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

I don't normally obsess on bodily functions, but this morning was a most memorable episode. It began on the 'puter, reading today's comix, obits and Ann Landers (now it's her nieces column) when I checked the time it was after nine! and we would miss Rikki's buddies at the park. So I jumped up grabbed a coat because the poop bags were in the pocket, threw my "Older than Dirt" hat on a short leash and called Rikki to the arm of the sofa, so I don't have to bend over. We hooked up and dashed from the house. The park is about a half mile from the house and it was a nice day so we chose to walk. when we got to the corner of the street that goes over the creek I felt my first bubble in the bowels, walking behind a young mother pushing her child, I held in the fart. This in itself is not a dangerous move, but when I turned to go up the street and was about to secretly release the gas, Sally appeared watering her garden. Now, although I've known Sally for twenty odd years, I don't feel that close. So holding everything in we went to the park, I unhooked Rikki and we started our stroll. My first tentative toot went inconspicuously into the morning air. Then I had an overwhelming urge to pee. This is not a problem, as Rikki and I had the entire park to ourselves, and there is portion of forest that you can step into and be completely hidden. So I duly did covertly what dogs do openly (Sometimes I'd like to be a dog). when finished I zipped up and walked back to the park and although Rikki looked, no one else was the wiser. Then it happened, a BIG BOWEL BUBBLE ! I knew at once this was not the gaseous state, but much more solid. We were at that moment the furthest from the house. Now I thought, "why hadn't I cultivated a closer relationship" so I could have asked to use Sally's John. (commode, crapper, bathroom) so I quickly re hooked Rikki and took the most speedy and direct route home. Arriving just in the nick of time, divesting ,my self of dog, coat, hat, leash felt an enormous pressure just as I dropped trow and hit the seat. Oh Why do I do this to myself?